that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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