I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
