i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
