I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
