the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
