I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
