how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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