I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
