I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
