Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
