No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
