So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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