Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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