um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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