I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
