My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
