oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
