Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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