I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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