If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
