Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
