Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
