I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
