He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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