i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
