I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
