watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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