Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
