Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
