theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
