In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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