I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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