so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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