i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
