Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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