She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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