Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
