we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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