There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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