she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
