I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
