you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
