I skipped work to stalk him.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
