How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
