I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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