ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As shirtless as possible
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
