Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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