"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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