i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
