90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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