bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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