He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
