I wanna passion pit in your ass
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
