Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
