Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
