Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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