I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
