Sry I called you an 8
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize