I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
