Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
