Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
