Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
