now i know why i became what i already was.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
