Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
