Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
