Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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