I'm jealous of your bromance
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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