physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize