So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
