yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
